... notable events : My final grading...

I eyed him nervously as we faced each other. I knew him rather well since we were in the same class. We were about the same age, the same build and progressed at much the same rate... but yet as we circled each other on the cold concrete floor, I realised that I didn't really know him well enough. I'd wish I'd paid more attention to his style during class. Now with the Masters watching, I was nervous knowing I had to perform or fail.

He started first. Launching into a combination of kicks and tentative punches, I realised that he too was feeling the same about me. Blocking and counterpunching him in return, we traded a few half-hearted blows.

I saw Grandmaster shaking him head. "Oh-o." No good, no good. We were being graded and this tentative fighting was obviously not pleasing him. "Stop dancing around like girls and fight." I heard my Master say something to that effect from the sidelines.

The unfamiliar surroundings may have contributed to our skittishness. We had previously been graded at our training centre where we trained. The Grandmaster would come and we would then be graded in turn, cumulating in a new coloured belt if we passed. Today however, was different. We had turned up in the late afternoon with the usual expectations for the Grading but had instead been bundled into cars to be ferried off to an unknown destination. Where we ended up was an old Indian village called Kampong Gandhi. It was in this old dojo in the middle of a sprawling expanse of rickety wooden houses that the Masters assembled to watch us fight.

"Ok. Stop. Bow." a black clad master stepped in. "What's wrong with you two. You need to do better than that or you'll both fail." he chided. "Now... bow. Fight!" he chopped the air in between the two of us and sprinted back out of the way. Not waiting, I lunged in a forward kick immediately following the bow. He blocked me expertly and swung a return roundhouse aimed at my chest. Dodging I stepped back. He was one belt higher than I, the two of us the most senior of our class, on the verge of obtaining the much vaunted black belt. He was being graded for his 1st Dan Black, I for my 3rd Kyu Brown Provisional Black. I knew we were underperforming. I rubbed my forearm where he had blocked me rather viciously in the earlier bout.

Stealing a look behind my opponent's shoulder, Grandmaster looked stern and a little disappointed in us. Suddenly, my opponent yelled loudly and launched into a series of kicks and punches. Staggering back I blocked and dodged, only just barely able to avoid all the hits and slashes, even the near misses throwing me off-balance. F.. A... I... L... the word rose in my mind. Dammit! Do something... now before I fail, I told myself. Concentrate...

Concentrate...

I needed to focus and concentrate. Forget the strange surroundings. We were here because we were not being graded for lowly blue or green but because we were on the verge of black. No more horseplay. We might only be youngsters, still in high school but that all didn't matter to Grandmaster, not tonight, not now. Tonight we were two aspirants to the final level. All he would be seeing are two combatants who have now come before him to be graded to join the upper belted ranks, he to join the rarified circle of black belted Masters, I to join the level of provisional black.

Concentrate...

This was what it all boiled down to. The surroundings didn't matter. The cold concrete floor didn't matter. The ring of watching Masters didn't matter. The belt didn't matter. The Grandmaster didn't matter. The odd smile of encouragement from fellow students didn't matter. Our ages didn't matter. The few villages gathered at the windows to watch didn't matter. The departure from the regular grading routine didn't matter. The entire world, didn't matter. There was only him, me, now and here, and the skills of our hands and feet.

Concentrate...

I seemingly suddenly felt a lightness in my being that night. Time seemed to slow. It was strangely liberating and liberatingly strange all at once. I watched as my opponent launched into attack almost as if in slow motion. I watched as his bare foot defied gravity and rose off the floor. I don't remember much else that happened after that except that I fought... and defended... and fought... I blocked... he blocked... I took a punch... he took a punch... The whole world condensed into just the two of us. His torso now exposed. His kick a possible opportunity. His block opening up my defenses. My forward motion too vulnerable. His turn a little off balanced. A minute twist indicating a following kick.  A side sway a tighten defense.  It seemed to last forever... it seemed to last only a moment.

"Stop!" Our Master stepped in between, his hand slicing a divide between us. "Enough. Now bow." he commanded. Our hearts pounding, chest heaving in laboured breath, hair messy from the vigorous jumps and twists, clothes disheveled from landed punches and grabs, we stood and bowed to each other. "Face forward.... bow." we turned and bowed to Grandmaster.

I remember to this day the words he said to me that night as we stood before him and awaited his verdict. "Put your heart, mind and body into it." he started. "If you keep dancing around and fighting like you're both scared of hitting each other, you don't deserve the belt you wear." he scolded. "But I will pass the both of you. But this isn't because I was particularly impressed with your performances tonight. Both of you obviously have the skills or you won't be here tonight, but you were too distracted, too easily distracted... but at least for the last 10 minutes, just as I was going to fail you, you showed that you could find it in yourselves to concentrate and focus on the task at hand. Don't think. Let your instincts flow. Focus on fighting... nothing else matters when you're fighting... understand?" We both nodded.

We both bowed to Grandmaster and then bowed to the assembled Masters after that. I'm not sure how I felt that day. I felt exhilarated to gain another belt but yet his words bit deeply. I needed to learn how to focus. I knew I was easily distracted. This wasn't just about the grading, it was about my life.

"Focus.... remember... focus."